03 September 2006
My First Review
Our first review will be for a product very near and dear to my heart;

splash_bottle


Bombay Sapphire Gin 750 ml.

Your first feeling after cracking open the seal is a feeling of bliss knowing that you are about to go four sheets to the wind and set sail.

Sniffing this Premium Spirit your noses catches the effervescence of Berry, Cassia, and of course Juniper - who is throwing this party after all. A slow pour into a highball glass yields legs thicker than Jennifer Lopez, approaching legs more consistent with the current Aretha Franklin. Man, has she let herself go. I digress.

The first sip is nothing short of heaven. All the flavors come together very nicely. Unfortunately they come together at the back of the throat very easily, so I had the bartender pour another Double Sapphire neat. Again, a lovely bouquet and a very smooth clean finish. So smooth in fact that I thought I may have missed something and had to pour a third Double Sapphire neat. This is the point where you quit screwing about with this lovely product and begin to truly understand the joy that is Bombay Sapphire. It might be the fact that after drinking over 6 shots of 94.5 proof alcohol everything seems to get better.

Speaking of getting better, my GP has been encouraging me to partake of more fruits and anti-oxidants. What better way to get some much needed fruit into your diet than with some Orange or Grapefruit?

Sapphire and Orange was very good. Call me a purist, but one thing that bothers me about Orange juice is the thick consistency. I found that the gin cut that awful thickness very nicely. After 3 OJ's and 2 Grapefruits with Sapphire I had fulfilled my daily recommended allotment of fruit and believe you me, I was feeling VERY healthy. As a matter of fact I was ready to move on to the next stage of my total health awakening.

You know how you start to feel after downing a pint of Jack and you realize how white trash you really are? You remember that you actually own a "Lynryd Skynrd / Ted Nugent - Brothers Forever Tour" t-shirt and start to cry? Well, you get none of that feeling with Sapphire. I felt like Winston Churchill on a good day. Is your family life crap? Who cares? You are drinking GOOD Gin Laddy! Germans bombing your hometown relentlessly or worse yet playing Techno music next door? Who cares? You are getting lit off London Dry Gin baby. 3/4 of the way into the bottle you realize that life is not all that bad.

As I embarked on the final 1/4 of this blue eyed beauty the most amazing thing happened. Mysteriously someone had walked into the bar and replaced all of the ugly people with beautiful people. I swear, they were all put on the fugly bus and whisked away. The slag of a cow next to me looked like Bo Diddley when I started the bottle and now she looked like Bo Derek. Also, after a good bout with your old companion alcohol, your tongue tends to go numb right? Not with this elixir of life. I had a 5 minute conversation with the mirror and did not slur once. Then again I wasn't saying too much as my face was starting to look like a Picasso after the Gin.

As I approached the last drops of the bottle things did tend to fade in and out a bit. Mostly out, which brings us to the final aspect of this very complex spirit. I hear so many people complain that booze is full of calories and carbs and is a fast to ticket to being overweight. How wrong they are! After arriving home everything I had eaten for the last week came right back out in a glorious explosion of colour. From both ends. Puking and having the runs HAS to be nature's way of cleansing yourself out and boy did she do a number on me. Between crying and lying to the toilet bowl with such untruths as "I will never do this again, I am going to get some help, and I think I am ready to walk" I must have dropped 7 pounds.

As the first rays of morning streamed in and pierced by bloodshot eyes I felt ALIVE. I know I felt alive because I wished I was dead at that very moment. A quick call in to the boss and I fell back asleep, only to be awoken 3 hours later with another urge to puke. And then it hits you, Gin is not like those floozies that you have been chasing your whole adult life who love you and leave you. Gin sticks with you for a long time after letting her gentle embrace fade from your hands. And then my friends, you truly understand what love and a truly meaningful relationship is all about.

Overall score:

Taste: *****

Mixability: *****

Strength: *****

Overall Conclusion:

Bombay Sapphire is an Excellent product which harnesses the ability to make you feel smarter than you really are and makes people look a hell of a lot prettier than they actually are. Care should be used if drinking near a large bisexual community, unless that is your thing. Price point is very good considering that you are taking a trip of sorts and the spinning room is an added bonus. Another added bonus is the fact that your taste-buds are shot to hell the next morning as is your sense of smell, so even if you left a rather large mess in the bathroom you really wont care.

I give Bombay Sapphire a hearty Five Star Rating.